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pseudo:False; deceptive; sham
2 postings in the one day of the week i was supposed to chill. i blame one person for this, Tharman. the university admission criteria has completely changed, for the better i don't know, but nothing is finalised. all i know is i got more work now, need to draft a volunteer experience testimonial for myself and do more research into courses and what nots.the former would be to glorify myself to the best of my abilities, haha. looks like i can't live without the h/p.sending out dozens of sms to and fro just to arrange a volunteer meeting and a seminar. we got to come up with a system to claim back these smses...... went out a while, met the rich boss of a company i used to frequent, he couldn't stop waxing lyrical about his son. oh he did well in PSLE, oh he's in RI now, oh he's doing Literature and going to UK in June to see Shakespeare's origins, oh he's going straight to RJC no O levels, oh and he's super techno savvy cause we setup a wireless network and bought a brand new IBM state of the art laptop for him. lucky bugger, i should have just stayed at home and slept.........even had to contend with dozens of kids on wheelies out there, all the while manouvering with 20kg cartons i was shifting about. i swear some kid's gonna get hurt one day by me,either knock into stuff i carry around or my steel toe boots. guess my hiatus never took off, no afternoon nap and maybe can squeeze in a hour of music loving.sighez.....
simple:Not guileful or deceitful; sincere
oh didn't know there existed such a definition for simple in the dictionary. well u must surely learn something new within 86400secs in a day. been a torrentious week, finally managed to get 7hours of uninterrupted sleep last night.wanted 10 but i can never stay asleep for too long.was a little tired cause i spent the previous night proof reading a volunteer recruitment advertisement til 230am. need to configure some attractive psychology in it, not to mention i relish the mind exercise been putting 10-hour packed days at "work" the whole week, hardly got more than 5mins to sit down before something else comes up. so much for ~senang~ office life. reached home, basically switched into a drowsy dreamy state for 2hours before forcing myself to exercise my brain with a little reading.then its off to lala land. i wouldn't say its a bad tradeoff, considering i got an A grade and testimonial for my recently completed Staff Assessment Report which left me suitably chuffed. hmmm maybe its reverse psychology, give a good grade and let him work his ass off the last few months. darn. wasn't much of a personal life but did manage to squeeze in meeting a pal for dinner,SIM LIM bargain shopping and old time LAN gaming. which made me realise a year from now some of my friends will a)be married b))preparing for marriage and c)entering the workforce. whereas i'll just be entering university.no wonder i feel like an old man around 18year olds. this requires more relooking into this time next year. i guess at the risk of sounding egoistical, life is more satisfying than bleah for me right now, cant feel upset for too long at anything and keeping on my toes in the day really preps me for office life. despite all the retail therapy, i still got $$ leftover and my university education is secured financially. i can't find anything wrong with myself, either that or my sub conscious is ignoring it. my only future worry is the high standards i set for myself may lead to a crash and burn? i'm secretly hoping to do well enough to get an MOE scholarship for teaching to relieve the finances. i guess its something like my shopping, although i can afford it i'm always searching for the best deals. plan to laze around today, and no caffeine. think i deserve it, and chill with all the cds i bought recently.got a long week ahead, which made me wonder y i invited someone out. haha no matter cause she has mock exams. maybe she's readin this, good luck in stayin focused to studyin for the mocks. focus is more than half the battle won. gonna leave the h/p off today. cause when i'm focused on something or out walking about, i literally swear when an sms comes beeping in. life is simpler without a h/p, wonder if people think that way too. but ironically it is much more convenient. i got more 10-hour days and 2 volunteer meetings. wonder if i should sacrifice a long weekend to go for a CDC community service talk on saturday and how on earth am i going to squeeze in Big Fish. really wanna watch it. no wonder i can't gain weight even with my binging these past coupla weeks. from a Five for Fighting song 100years:when you only got 100years to live...half time goes by and suddenly your wise i plan to fill in as much i can in my life with what i like.Every Day's a new Day
percentage: A proportion or share in relation to a whole; a part
worked into overtime today,was on my feet for 10hours today in the office , not that i get paid for it. but i guess its the satisfaction that u get things done. had an interesting past coupla days, i guess nothing turns out the way you can really plan. 2 things struck out mostly. the former being an argument with a close friend and the latter being the question brought up y volunteer to help others if its so difficult? i won't discuss too much about the argument here but it led me to the conclusion that my personal integrity gets into the way of many things. i will simply not allow myself to do anything to betray 1)my integrity and 2)the trust others have given me even if it in any way portrays me as pig-headed and both parties end up getting hurt. the latter issue got me thinking a lot, especially with the articles in the newspapers that many voluntary welfare organisations are struggling to stay afloat. why is it so difficult to help others? as youths, only 2% volunteer regularly and i dare say only a handful of those are willing to sacrifice time and effort to organise volunteer events continuously. we seldom get any appreciation, indeed any email/sms/card dropped by thanking me is kept with great feeling.who in the right mind spends at least 3 times a week liasing with social workers,organisations,schools and especially students all in the pretext of volunteering or literally free labour? sure its increasingly difficult especially with the greenbags coming in short supply. rising costs and less funding means we have to tighten the belts on many programmes. to seek funds, its no longer just good samitaran giving $$, u got to give something in return which benefits the sponsorship. as i looked around the table at our monthly general meeting, i felt satisfied. there are still those whom despite the beauracracy,community brick-bats and amount of time management involved, are still sufficiently self motivated to spend days doing background work for volunteers.helping people, there's nothing hypocritical about them.they even provided me much advice on studies,future planning and many other things.an sms til now strikes me, "we are part of your personal life, when we're gone you will realise it". so what if my life is focused on volunteering organising so much, it doesn't make me too interesting but its one of the few things i can't be cynical about. the number of people from all walks of life i've met has certainly honed my social skills, so much so that i clam up at home.its certainly made me take a good hard look at the community, so much so that i cant fit them all into words. hey i certainly ain't no saint but i like to believe im doing some good out there. oh this test has been going around, its kinda cute for a laugh
goes: Energy; vitality: had lots of go.
i am beat,collapsed into bed last night and woke up with a splitting headache.thank you panadol inc.,tis magical stuff u produce. things didn't turn out the way i planned yesterday, but ended up visiting my granduncle and grandmother in the east. first time in my life i spoke to my granduncle man-to-man, strangely fulfilling. my grandmother's Alzheimer's getting worst but i'm used to it. same three questions in ten minutes. she always loves it when i come down.twas a nice afternoon i spent reliving my childhood in the east before i went off to a volunteer meeting. had a conversation with my aunt. she wants me to go for a, i quote, "Catholic weekend camp for young eligible SINGLE men and women. you can find GOD and someone nice there". i'm literally speechless for both possibilities til now. today was more of the same,rushing to finish my work so i can run off to do an afternoon errand and then spent a coupla hours doing retail therapy. partly because a pair of jeans are already 8years old and in a rather fraying condition.u could tear the bottoms with toothpicks so yeah it was time to get another pair. saw some topshop jeans on offer but they hang too low on the hips. was debating whether to get them but saw many rejected pairs outside the dressing room. better not.settled for LEE jeans, still born and made in the USA. my life isn't going to settle down til the end of Feb, really hope i can meet up with a few people for coffee when March comes around. did part 2 of the survey, the world must be kidding me.i'm going to end up replacing the guy who lifts the world up on his shoulders at this rate.
eye:The circular area of relative calm at the center of a cyclone.
heh i just got contacts and i foresee a lot more vain jokes. well its been 14years of specs and i'll still wear my retro shades.got a huge busy week, yesterday's events made me conk out and sleep for 7hours straight, which hasn't happened for a long time. i'm cheerful this week, so much so that my trainee eyes me with much suspicion. too bad i can't say the same for the people i know. one's full of heaviness didn't answer the phone, not that i actually call people often. its like something i saw on BECKER, a ted danson comedy recently, u want to do something and if you can't do it it continuously bugs you.ah well never mind, i'll say my piece another time. a friend has more "sai-kang" to do in NS so we had to postpone our dinner once again. one friend is stressed out by upcoming tests week in week out in his honours year and a buddy quarelled badly with his mum til it seems like a storm.oh and my breakfast partner is that bored with NS life that he confessed he just lies down on the floor when he gets home.he's a year younger so yeah i guess i have to spend more time with him as he's asked me out a coupla time already.and here i am the eye of the storm of everyone,still happy and contented for now.i'm high on something, really got to check my diet for strange substances. but tis nothing new besides Big Macs. i really pity the male species, reading a copy of NEWMAN, and their description of being a male just plain confuses me more than Shakepeare. we have to be extremely tactful yet remain truthfully honest to the opposite sex whenever we're talking serious topics.if we're jealous its ok to realise it but whats more important is we actually have to realise why we're feeling this way.in short we have to understand why and do stuff to get over it,period.being male equates being strong and silent in many ways. got a huge day ahead, very whirlwind like. ah been putting off too many things so specially taking half a day of leave to do them.i'll be out and about all over singapore for 10hours so i'm guessing i'll drop off to bed nicely when i finally crash home. to round it off, here's a survey i took. i'm much taller though but its freaking me out if this is actually accurate.
towards nirvana:An ideal condition of rest, harmony, stability, or joy.
i say towards because face it, no one can ever reach that state unless your dead or major drugged anyway. *cynical snicker* been a nice peaceful day, before business picks up next week, urgh i'm not even studying yet but i still got to run around to so many places. trying to arrange my schedule and hope the monday blues dont kick in that bad. i swear thats a medical condition like the flu. i'm almost contented, which doesn't happen very often. met up with a small group of MGS/ACS students trying to organise a volunteer forum for 500 students.the purpose of meeting up with them was to answer queries and provide advice. i must have said a helluf a lotta good stuff for 2 hours cause they invited me back to hold a small workshop for their committee. i should start charging schools at this rate cause i'm always exhausted at the end.on the train home the realisation sank in, yes i was in their shoes back then, and now i'm the "old bird" and a good one at that! and no, i haven't lost any passion yet but we all need our little breaks. spent a coupla hours at a very quiet Embassy just chillin and drinking with my buddy later that same evening. we walked in to Harry's at first,but screw it they had a Singapore Cupid event there and i definitely do not fit into that category. sure the happy couples were around but there were us single yuppies around too. i enforce my belief that i rather be a pubber than a clubber, alright yeah its late 20s thinking but at least i look and feel the part. anway im still open to upmarket clubs. one thing im always in denial about is being called nice. this is egoistical so don't read on. but yeah i like doing nice gestures within my means and especially on impulse for friends. just close one eye and be done with it.not to the extent of rich boys who pay and do everything cause i hate being made used of. ah well got other things to type and a little brain juice to exercise, anyway i like this song by TrikTurner but can never figure out all the mumbling.the title is "Friends & Family".
empty:devoid;destitute
i just got another msg from friendster, its the 2nd request an ex-volunteer is asking for me to add her. i say ex because i knew her like 4 years back and she gave many empty promises to everyone before eventually dropping out of the scene.i heard she did have personal problems though.anyway i'm not adding her not cause i dont like her nor get a kick out of ignoring her, but rather i'm devoid with past acquantainces. have a sudden influx of volunteering activities that need planning coming in. none of it are those eye-grabbing, tear-jerking,money raising television spectacles though. it made me wonder if i'm jaded, but the answer is no, my life would be an empty shell if i didn't know that i'd be making a difference in this world. i've come across more than my fair share of people in my life: jail, tattooed secret society,molesters, chain smokers,school dropouts,suicide cases,self inflicted hurt,family abuses,cancer patients,amputees, the list goes on. Singapore is definitely not like the Truman Show. I can't direct every one of their lives but i sure as hell won't put them down. my V-day schedule is out. i'm meeting with a 16-year old ACS boy who wants to organise a volunteer workshop. i'm meeting him at the expense of my stepbrother's birthday lunch. sighez, not that i try to think too much about it. this ACS boy has been described as very passionate and intrigues me, as i believe i was like that at his age and wonder if i'm still the same over the years. then i'm off to meet a good buddy, i guess i owe him that much for cancelling the previous arrangement. well i guess it beats beer can in hand and band of brothers on the telly. i got quite some stuff coming up. returning the favour to 3 friends each for inviting me out cause i postponed all 3 of them(yeah that's crude), volunteer meetings with various youngsters, something which i feel i have to. i got online french lessons and driving lessons, together with bedtime sociology/literature reading. which leads me to wonder why do i still feel empty? i'm shaking off my bout of flu but still tis chagrined y i'm empty......on a lighter note, this William Hung always gives me a kick, check it out here
friend:a person whom one knows, likes, and trusts
ok i just added my final contact on friendster.1st in months and last forever.there are 2 definitions to friends actually.the other is merely an acquantaince. so if friends are truly based on the 3 criteria: know,like,trust then let me say i have a real small circle around me but i love them. and i got to delete almost everyone off my friendster list. i know each of them not less than 4 years and although their all male i wouldn't know where i'd be without them much. the trust is so great that i can't even be cynical about the testimonials they wrote about me. although i don't make much effort to go out that often, in fact i reject more than i should, i can rely on them to provide a good pick-me-up and increase the cheeriness meter. this is the last person i'll add on friendster for a long time. i quite like this new individual and its more friendship than acquaintance.she struck through my emotion armor plating and i trust her well enough not to be freaked out by my flaws.i've taken many wrong turns and screwed many people out of my life these past few years.heck she'll read this some time but its been discussed.i won't wax lyrical about her. I'm tired of seeing old faces in my contact list but don't give much shit about them, vice-versa too i guess. when i enter university no doubt i'll get new acquaintances. but i trust that these people i hold dear to me right now won't be just people who come and go, and i trust literally only a handful of people in this world, being withdrawn and cynical juz abt everyone else. my friends, you know who u r out there, i'll always crap with u, i'll always love you even though i do hate it at times when u talk too much abt urself? and most of all i'll always be there for you. i would shatter my personal integrity if i don't be there when u need me and u know im a proud man of such things. happy friendship week.
Whirlwind:Tumultuous or rapid
foreword: i had an hour to gather official quotations for a notebook that was brand new in the market. the venue was funan centre. i had no namecards, no 3k in cash to wave around so i had to bank on the relationship of salesmen trusting me. Shop 1 I entered and headed straight to the notebook section. i fiddled around with the keys, mouse pads, and all the while there were 2 young salesmen chatting barely 2 metres away from me. finally, the i decided to break the ice. Me: Ahem Excuse Me. (salesmen stop talking and Sales1 nudges Sales2) Sales2: Yes? Can I help? Me: Are that all the COMPAQ notebooks u sell? Sales2: Yah Me: I'm actually looking for the NX5000, a new one. Sales2: Oh that one, we have it but its not on display Me: Can you give me an official quotation for it? I'm buying it for my company. (salesmen talk among themselves and sneak furtive glances at me) Sales1: Yup sure, can u give me your card and details? Me: Oh i don't have any with me right now, but you can give me paper to write down for you.i need it by monday too. (they give dirty looks: is this guy for real?) Sales1: uh ok (blank paper and written down) Me: pls address it to MINDEF, monday can? Sales1: yup sure no problem. call me if there's anything else. (Sales1/Sales2 finally smile and quickly give me their namecards.guess they heard of MINDEF before) Shop 2(hint: biggest computer shop in funan,top floor) Quite peaceful, i fiddled with mice and laptops for a full 10mins before going off. guess none of the 3 salesmen within distance were going to entertain me. Shop 3 Squatting down in front of window staring at notebooks.Smiling salesman comes out of shop quite quickly. Smiley the salesman: Hi, can i help you? Me: Yes actually i'm looking for the new COMPAQ NX5000, do you sell it? (Smiley gives very blank look) Smiley the salesman:uh i never heard of it, you saw it from the US webpage? Me: no actually COMPAQ Singapore sent me brochures on it. (a complete lie actually but compaq singapore did send me a quotation on it before hand) Smiley the salesman: sorry i don't think its available in singapore yet Me:Oh well never mind, thanks. Shop 4 Went into a brightly lit shop, very nice decor with big COMPAQ signs everywhere. Promptly attended to by a pimply spiky haired young guy wearing specs. Spiky: Hi, can i help? Me: Yes, i want to buy this new COMPAQ notebook. NX5000 (Spiky literally goes huh? His supervisor is nearby, middle age skinny lady and overhears. she's doing something on a notebook and doesn't look up) Skinny: Nope, we don't sell that yet. Next week. (goes back to typing on the notebook) Me: Um, any price estimate yet? (i give 2nd chance) Skinny: No. (Spiky gives geeky smile as i walk out disgusted at the rudeness. Skinny didn't even look at me once) Shop 5 the last one, i'm running late and rather bored. no salesman hanging around in the shop except one guy sitting at the desk on the phone. i was getting desperate, needed at least one more quotation to show i wasn't wasting precious office time. Me: hi, sorry r you free to help me out? Uncle:Yup one moment (Uncle is the guy by the phone. looks like the towkay and very decent. says to the phone, "Call you back") Uncle: Yes how may i help you? Me: I'm looking for a quotation for the COMPAQ NX5000, your shop advertised outside you sell right?I need to buy it for my boss. (i'm giving up playing games and am to the point) Uncle: Yup, can i have your namecard? Me: I got no namecards with me right now. Uncle: No namecard how to do business? (i give blur-blur look) Me: I really didn't bring any today, never mind i write down for you.pls fax to me. Uncle: Great, here. (He gives blank paper and i write down details. he tags it to the board where there r similar scraps of paper. he didn't even look at it.)Me: thanks, but wait i think i forgot to put my name. Uncle: Really? (takes paper down again. ah hell i had coupla mins to spare anyway) Me: Ok my name is Lee. Uncle: Full name? I deal with so many Lees (I give forced laugh and smile) Me: Gavin Lee, i need it by monday. Uncle: OK. and there concludes my hour of laptop fiddling and play acting with salesmen. not entirely convinced consumers r always right. i really ought to take cash and wave it around instead.a suit doesn't seem like a bad idea either.
Feast of Lupercalia : Valentine's Day
All i did was say hi, yet i got thrown into a minor debate about Valentine's Day. My friend was looking for inspiration as she did a column about Valentine's Day. It seemed like an interesting topic and despite my lethargy i was intrigued. We were at both ends of the demographic scale, she a girl and i a guy. I do not profess to be a male chauvinistic pig but rather a SNAG as I agreed with most of her views, shaking my head at the lengths guys go to to impress girls. Indeed V-Day is approaching. My retail therapy sessions over the weekend is testimony to that. The love song CD compilations are out in full force with romantic titles. "Amour", "Remember" and "Memories" just to name a few. I was planning a volunteering meeting for the V-Day weekend only to meet with strong protest. Yes, love is in the air and everything else must be set aside. Adam came first into this world and Eve was made from a slice of his flesh. Maybe that's where it started, as i lamented to my friend. Society depicts that men do more work, and that includes the planning of a courtship. No doubt gender inequality is being reduced but the gist is still there. Men are supposed to take the intiative and ,heaven forbid,be the ones rejected as well. We do the arrangement for a nice romantic evening, carry exorbitantly priced roses and are left considerably lighter on the wallet. I cannot profess to have gone out on a V-Day date but have recollections of staying at home, beer can in hand, away from the happy couples. I've only seriously considered the occasion once but didn't bring myself to do it. However I do recall the stress my friends have had for this special day. The research on the right gift and venue takes all priority and is a painstaking process while the image of the lucky lady stays transfixed in the mind. Heck if their happy after it all then its alright. But is V-Day all about whipping up a delightful concoction of a date and spiced with a dash of love? The lady enjoys it immensely and is suitably impressed by the preparation involved? Initially I cannot fathom the rationale of just solely to impress but yes, V-Day does make some sense. If you have forged a deep relationship and emotional bond with someone you always wish to do something special for that person.Today, due to busy lifestyles and lack of time we seldom get to do that. V-Day provides this great opportunity to spice things up and reaffirm why your together. I have a firm belief that if you love someone you don't care what others think of her, and nothing must be taken for granted.When your not around each other, you place faith in her. And everyday that your together it may not be the proportions of V-Day but you shower her with love and appreciation. I'm getting old. I realise what parents tell their kids does make sense, studies first love later. My dad has never questioned my dating life, to the point that i had to force him for some comments about the birds and the bees. I'm leaving the stage of flings and one-date ladies. Not that I'm ready to settle down but i'm a little tired of the rebounding. Maybe its time to focus on career objectives again as i re-enter school. Hell yeah i'm brought up a model gentleman in theory, but as my friend pointed out as our conversation drew to a close, sadly i'm not as evergreen as i profess to be.i miss being 16, wide-eyed and innocent.Its increasingly difficult to be "A well-mannered and considerate man with high standards of proper behavior" Now to re-stock for Feb. 14th. I'll drink to the love out there. |
blogger Name: gavin |
